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The One and Only Cue-tips Homepage

Where the Cue-tip is mightier than the Q-tip

"Cue-tips" is a not registered trademark of anyone. The One and Only Cue-tips Homepage is not maintained by or associated with anyone. Do not confuse this page with an actual Cue-tip, or any product of anyone. And please, for goodness sake, do not try to clean your ears or anything else with this homepage. Doing so could result in serious injury.

Hey kids! This site was the Yahoo Pretty Strange Site of the Day for May 6, 1998!


Some important facts about Cue-tips:

    Cue-tips are probably not made with 100% natural materials. But that's OK.

    Cue-tips cannot be recycled.

    Even though this page has absolutely nothing to do with PETA or testing animals, I'm still going to call PETA a detestable terrorist organization, mainly so you can read the nasty letters I previously received from one of "those people."


Ideal For a Multitude of Uses

    Sure, anyone can use a Cue-tip to play billiards. But Cue-tips have hundreds of other uses such as:

    Cleaning that gooky stuff out of the cat's eyes. This might be difficult, but not impossible.

    As a toothbrush in an emergency (carefully apply toothpaste to the end).

    Fencing with the oversized giant roaches in your kitchen.

    As snacks when the neighbors drop by unexpectedly. This will go over especially well if you happen to live next door to the Coneheads. Otherwise plenty of dip is recommended.

    As a substitute for misplaced chopsticks. Requires large hands and good coordination.

    One in each nostril will stop your nose from running! Painful, but effective.

    As candles on a Spam cake.

    As dramtic looking torches to light up a room. Just don't blame me if you set your house/apartment on fire.

    Jousting with your neighbor in the front yard (horses optional).


Chalk:  The Fashionable Accessory


As any well informed Cue-tip fan knows, chalk is the most important accessory to a good Cue-tip. Chalk can be found in a wide range of colors, though it most commonly comes in blue (see picture at left). The use of chalk with a Cue-tip opens up a wide range of useful possibilities such as:

Cue-tips + chalk = Crayons for giants.

Cue-tips + chalk = Difficult but effective way to paint your house.

Cue-tips + chalk = Eyeshadow applicators for Tammy Faye Baker.


Balls:  Gotta Have 'Em

eight ball As we all well know, you can't make real use of a Cue-tip without a good set of balls. Unfortunately, when lacking real balls, many people (especially big corporate weenies) resort to such unsavory things as crushing the little guy and beating up on people. Get a life kids, no matter how hard you try, you'll never have real balls, just cotton balls.


cue-tips now!  now! (Button by Mark)
Feel free to take either of these buttons and place it on
your own page with a link back here.

Way cool morphing Q-tip/Cue-tip on the entrance page very graciously donated by the multi-talented Carter of Art ala Carte.

Billiards graphics provided in part by Billiard Congress of America, PPL's Billiard Clip Art, and Jim Meador. Thanks to all.

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All original graphics, original content, and page design, Copyright 1997- 2000 Hey You! Productions, Ltd.. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.